FORGIVENESS AND GOD’S PROMISES

Rev Fr George Panackal VC

Our Lord Jesus Christ has given promises of blessings to all those who are wounded by painful events.

A person called Mathew once came to me seeking counselling. Mathew’s life took a turn for the worse when he was in the sixth standard. He was falsely accused of theft and punished severely by his class teacher. As a result, his studies came to an end and his dreams of pursuing higher education and having a bright future were shattered. He confided in his parents but they could not understand his situation. This led to Mathew feeling lost at home too. His parents treated him cruelly and he decided; sadly, to leave home. He turned to alcohol and drugs to forget his bitter past.

During a retreat, Mathew heard the talk on patience and decided to make a good confession. However, he soon realised that he needed to forgive all those who had wronged him if he wanted to move on. Even though he had faith in Jesus, it was difficult for him to forgive at an emotional level. He believed that forgetting and erasing the memories would help him heal but this was not the case. The pain of not being able to complete his education, being called a thief by everyone and losing his good name, and not receiving enough love from his parents were all wounds that ran deep. Mathew realized that healing would only come from a good confession and divine grace. He sought greater clarity about this just as many other people do.

Mathew endured the pain of being unable to complete his education and fulfil his dreams, despite starting school with high aspirations. He suffered the humiliation of being labelled a ‘thief’ and losing his reputation. He has also experienced the heartache of not receiving enough love from his parents. However, by divine grace, Mathew has now chosen to forgive those who have wronged him, despite harbouring grudges and resentment for many years. He had internalized his troubles and turned to alcoholism, but he attended the retreat with a sincere desire to release himself from the burden of these painful memories. Mathew’s teacher who punished him, those who called him a thief, and his neglectful parents — he harboured anger and hatred towards them all. It is important to understand that these negative emotions were taking root within him.

Even though Mathew made the conscious decision to forgive, the painful memories still linger and refuse to fade away. Mathew managed to forgive at a rational level, but emotionally, he is still struggling to come to terms with what happened. This is because emotional wounds are often much harder to heal than rational ones. Mathew believed that the key to healing is to forget and erase the memories, but we know that this is not always possible. Memories that we have suppressed or forgotten can resurface when triggered by similar situations later in life. Once an experience has been etched into our minds, it can never truly disappear. So, the question remains: how can Mathew find healing? How does God help us heal our memories?

When anger and hatred are internalized, they act as a poison that can eat away at a person from the inside. Sometimes, this internalization can act like acid, adversely affecting the entire system and even causing physical illness. In this way, we are destroying ourselves through this virus of negative emotions. Take Mathew, for example. He is hurting himself by allowing these emotions to fester within him. Alcohol and drugs have become a part of Mathew’s life, and he is well aware that these bad habits are slowly destroying him. However, through a special divine intervention, he has made the decision to forgive everyone and let go of his anger and hatred. Now, all that remains is for his wounds to heal.  I began to explain how this will take place with the following illustration.

A farmer bought two hundred coconut saplings from the government block panchayat by borrowing money. He planted, irrigated, and fertilized them, and they flourished. Two years later, a flood and landslide destroyed all but five trees. The farmer was devastated and could not sleep for five months. Then, he received a notification from the panchayat that he would receive two thousand rupees for every damaged tree as compensation. This changed his attitude towards the loss, and he was no longer sad. His grief turned to joy because of the government’s promise, even though it did not change the disaster. The government’s promise had not changed the incident itself, but it had certainly changed his perspective on it.

A promise can change our perspective towards an event. Everyone has weaknesses and experiences wounds and losses. When something bad happens, it’s natural to feel frustrated and sad. Some may even feel like there’s no reason to continue living. It may seem like there will never be relief from the situation. However, it’s not the wound itself that causes the pain, but rather the ignorance of God’s promises. Just as a government’s promise can heal a farmer’s wound, our Lord Jesus has given promises of blessings to all those who are wounded. This knowledge can change our attitude towards painful events.

In the Bible, forgiveness is not only a command, but also a promise from God (Mt 6:14). Those who forgive are promised acceptance of their sacrifices (Mk 11:25), answered prayers, and the title of “children of God” (Mt 5:45). By forgiving, we can transform our difficulties and pains into seeds that will grow into trees bearing God’s blessings. On the other hand, holding onto grudges can harm us and destroy our lives. The choice is ours: to become a seed or remain sad. While even governments may break their promises, God is always faithful to His.