⁃ Maria Sangeetha
A little girl came and met us during a weekend parish outreach in Mumbai last year. It was almost time for the Holy mass but she was quite insistent on having her counselling then and there. Her mother stood at a distance and waited while I spent a few minutes with her. Without much ado she got to the topic. Her dad, she said, passed away four months ago. She proceeded to explain her circumstances in a very articulate manner, “He was only 43 years old and I am only 10. He had a cardiac arrest while he was running and died immediately. I am very disturbed about this. Why did God take my dad away? My elder sister was very close to dad and she is taking it badly.” I was struck by her clarity of thought. I have come to meet many who have gone through a loss of a dear person. I’ve realised one thing – death is difficult to digest whether it be of someone young or old. Yet our rich heritage of faith leads us to some concrete truths that will carry us across this valley of the shadow of death.
“O death, where is thy victory?” (I Cor 15:55)
Christian faith establishes that death is not a final loss. Our dear ones who pass from this earthly existence do not cease to exist and are not lost to us. Scripture assures us “In the eyes of the foolish they seemed to have died… but they are at peace… their hope is full of immortality…” (Wis 3:1-9).
“Love never ends” (I Cor 13:8)
Bonds of love are not limited to this world. A unique offering of the Catholic faith is the immortal value of relationships. God is Himself faithful to His people and in such a model of love we are to follow. He gives us persons to love and live with a proximity that does not end with death. The Queenship of Mother Mary in heaven is the ultimate proof of this.
Mother Mary‘s role and relationship to the Lord did not end with His earthly sojourn. We often say, “No one is indispensable” and that “Even after we die, the sun will rise and shine again.” True to some extent, this however, does not and should not define the affections of the human heart. Everyone has a unique and precious place in the family of God. The people related to us in holy relationships of family never cease to be who they were meant to be.
“Behold thy mother” (Jn 19:27)
In this context we must remember how Mother Mary became God’s answer to the grief of John. At the foot of the Cross, the mother of Jesus became the mother of the beloved disciples of the Lord – the Church. By the blood of Jesus we became one family – He is our brother and His mother and Father become ours.
For everyone grieving in the shadow of the cross the Mother is there to console us. She loved best – like none other ever has and so she knows best the depths of grief. God knew she was worthy to console us.
“Give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thess 5:18)
A time of bereavement must also be the time of thanksgiving. That is what Jesus did as he stood at the tomb of Lazarus. When a dear one reaches the end of the earthly existence we must mark this by thanking God for 1) the gift of the person to us, 2) the blessings received by this person, and 3) that we could be a part of this other’s life.
The tendency may be to question God. Faith, however, would lead us to acknowledge that everyone belongs to God and were given by God for the time He saw as fitting. Job in the face of great tragedy of losing all his seven children would say, “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21).
“A time for tears” (Eccl 3:4)
This does not mean that we should not grieve. Grieve, we must. We tend to fear or even despise grief. Pain however isn’t poison and isn’t permanent. “All things shall pass… even pain.” The Lord Himself says, “You will weep and mourn… you will have pain, but your pain will turn into joy” (Jn 16:20). Moreover pain moulds our heart into compassion. Mother Teresa, Pope John Paull II, Therese Lisieux – great personalities of this age were moulded by heart-rending tragedies of the loss of family members at an early vulnerable age.
“Where I am, there you may be also” (Jn 14:3)
We must remember that we shall all be together very soon. Time is fleeting. The nature of death is changed. Jesus defeated eternal death by His sacrifice. What we now term as death is merely the doorway to exist in fullness of life free from the shackles of ego, sin and all that limits ‘life’ and ‘love’. We shall reach that paradise our hearts were made for – where there shall be no more weeping and mourning. There we shall be one with God.
“Our consolation is abundant through Christ” (II Cor 1:5)
If we really love our dear departed we cannot dismiss them to death but our relationship continues in the spiritual form of prayer. In death a beloved one may cease to be with us in a physical form but they are held in the heart of God. As we come closer to God, we draw closer to them. Also in consistent prayer we are promised the anointing of the Holy Spirit who is the ultimate ‘Consoler’. No grief can withstand His consolation. The grieving apostles experienced this at the Pentecost.
“I am with you till the end of times” (Mt 28:20)
Meanwhile on this earth the same God who loved us through our dear ones, even after they pass away continues to love us and provide for us.
“You did it to me” (Mt 25:40)
The greatest tragedy is when there is unfinished business in close relationships – a letter unwritten, a loving word not spoken, a reconciliation not offered. Perhaps there is no regret as final as this where at a funeral I stand realising “I failed to give the love that I should have.” We often take those closest to us for granted. We are too fault-finding. Our Christian faith however, is one of towering hope. Vincent was working with us in our youth ministry. He had run away from home as a teenager. After wandering for several years he came here for a retreat. He repented deeply and he went to his village to seek pardon from his parents only to discover they had died heartbroken and waiting for his return. After a few years of service here he proceeded to serve an elderly person who was very cranky. He shared that though he often felt like giving up he did not for what kept him going was this, “What I could not do for my parents, I do for this elder.”
“In heaven their angels continually see the face of my Father in heaven” (Mt 18:10)
How privileged would we feel when a family member is elected to an influential post, of say being the advisor to the US President! We would happily suffer the loss of their presence. The earthly loss is an invaluable heavenly gain. Our dear departed leave us behind on earth to intercede for us in heaven as angels. They are in this way closer to us than they have ever been and bless us more than their physical presence alone could.
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